Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"American Thighs" (a "Before" picture)....




Good morning Blogland Neighbor-hood! Well, our Diet Master is demanding "Before" pictures (by yesterday .... oops....) So, anyhow, here's mine! Aren't I cute? OK, OK .... so that's not really me (no kidding!) That is one of the latest books from one of my VERY favorite authors, Jill Conner Browne the founder and Head Queen of the Sweet Potato Queens. I'ver read 3 of her other books and I must say wearing Depends while reading them is a MUST ..... her books are HYSTERICAL!! (eg. "The Sweet Potato Queens Wedding Planner and Divorce Guide", and "The Sweet Potato Queens Big Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner"). This new book, "American Thighs" is "The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Preserving your Assets" (thighs included) so that the dread transition from "cute girl" to "ma'am" won't be quite so unsettling." (as stated on the book jacket). There are all kinds of good tidbits of wisdom in this book eg. "how the muumuu has been fashionably resurrected as the "patio dress". Also, if you're in the market for a brand spanking new bigger than life tiara and some black cat-eye "diamond" encrusted sun glasses, The Sweet Potato Queens have got your back .... they have all that fun stuff on their website ....

OK, OK so I'm stalling ..... trying to avoid posting my "Before" picture .... oh well, here's my version of "American Thighs".....



.....(sorry I couldn't jump in the air while trying to look cute and take my own picture .... standing on the toilet was the best I could do without breaking my neck .... and even Daisy, who is sitting in the sink, is looking at me like I've now officially lost the rest of my marbles ....)

.....OK, while we're at it .... what should I do with my hair? (and please keep in mind that I'm totally lazy when it comes to my hair .... as far as I'm concerned, I only have patience for wash 'n wear). Right now it's LONG and I just throw it in a pony tail .... and my bangs are now to the point that they're DRIVING ME CRAZY .... they're too long, so I pull them back with that beautiful hairband .... because I cannot stand to have hair in my face and eyes .... so, do I let the bangs grow out or get them trimmed again ....AND do I keep the long hair or go for a shorter doo .... when my kids were little I had short, short hair ..... I did come across this website where you can upload your picture and try on different hair doos , etc (but for some reason, I can't get my picture to upload .... I'll have to wait for tech support to come home from school today to assist their computer challenged mother....

.....anyhow, my "sea hag " hair and "American Thighs" are the least of my irritations these days .... seems I'm spending less time working lately and more time .....


...reading through the "help wanted" page ..... yippee .... to ad to my midlife crisis, it seems I'm having to job hunt ..... the economy has taken a toll on the healthcare/homecare biz in these parts and referrals are WAY down , and have been since before Thanksgiving (this is the longest slump I can remember in all my 29 years working as a physical therapist ).....now, I'm trying to figure out if I want to take a job an hour's drive away and work in a Rehab or Skilled Nursing Facility OR take this opportunity to try and change careers all together (my body is pretty well falling apart from 29 years of dragging people out of hospital beds and wheelchairs ... maybe after a total shoulder replacement and a total hip replacement I could carry on for another 29 years? but have I mentioned the total brain burn out from years of mind numbing paperwork that comes with the healthcare biz?).....anyhow, if I change career paths, change to what? .... I have always thought about being a teacher ... I could go back to school for 1 year and get my teaching degree ... BUT we have Kid #1 in his first year of college with tuition, books etc and Kid #2 coming up in 3 years for college .... so tuition for yours truly is probably out of the question right now ..... hmmmmm, let's see .... the manager at the local Subway where Evan works is going on maternity leave in March .... I could try and get her job! (but me working around food every day is probably not a good match!!!besides, I would look dumb in that hat ) ..... oh I know ! I could start a dog walking business!!! that would keep me in shape! and, of course, a job/business where I get to play with fabric in some way shape or form would be IDEAL! ..... or, I could just buy lottery tickets everyday.....well, if any of you have any bright ideas for a new career path for me , feel free to tell me about it! Maybe I'll go to the Acme Employment Agency with Lucy and Ethel.........

OK, I must get back to my laundry and my job search! Be back soon!

Toodles,
Mary Anne (aka Mare)

14 comments:

rachel griffith said...

bahahababaha.
that's awesome!!!
that is the greatest picture EVER!!!
:D

Anya said...

Your posts are great fun to read. Good one today!

How about walking around town with a sign that says "Will Work for Fabric"?

Nancy said...

So you can go to school for a year and be a teacher. Or you can do nothing for a year and still have one in college and be looking for a job...I opt for school and a short sassy swing bob to go with it....

Amanda said...

I may be in the same shape you're in looking for a job. I have a degree in Elementary Education, but I never went to work. I will probably stay in Education because I would be home when my daughter is home, and on vacation when she's on vacation. We'll see.

I love the before picture! You're so funny! I posted mine yesterday.

Dandelion Quilts said...

You are cute on the toilet, Mare. I was just thinking the other day that you hadn't posted a toilet shot in a while! LOL

I think we all get in those stages where we let things go a bit. I just had a major hair cut myself...I just couldn't take the pony tail one more day.

About your job, I hope things pick up or some door opens for you that feels right. You could sub on days you are not working and see if you want that path...plus sub pay is typically decent, at least here in Michigan.

Dandelion Quilts said...

Mare, I was just thinking the other day how we haven't seen a crazy shot of Mare on her toilet lately! LOL SO, thanks for that. I might just check out those books though. We can do it! I had to recently cut off my pony tail because I was sick of it.

Now about this job hunt. First, I hope your business perks up. Meanwhile, why don't you give substituting a try. It will give you a feel if you want to complete more schooling. You should also talk to an advisor because in my state....after you graduate with your teaching certificate, you have to continually go back to college. I had to have an additional 18 credits within 5 years and then every 5 years after that I have to have 6 credits for the life of my teaching career. But, that is my state. However, I know more states are getting fussier about that stuff due to No Child Left Behind. It is something to really consider before committing. Also, subbing is pretty decent pay up here...if you could do it on off days, it would supplement your income and schools always need subs.

Amy said...

Hello!! I stumbled onto your blog, and feel ya!! be careful in the bathroom.... and good luck to ya. have a great one.

jerseygirl said...

well most of our most intense conversations went on in the bathroom so it is only fitting that you discuss career options with that picture posted! Do remember that teaching does involve grading homework and lesson plans so that may be a consideration if you are trying to leave paperwork behind. what about using some of the space in the hotel or other family business settings for a type of childrens afterschool art creativity class. mom's are always looking to expose their children to creativity. you can still see patients in between and hold the classes around the ups and downs of homecare. this would tap into your creative side and cover your teaching desire and talent all at once.

jerseygirl said...

you could always help me market my moms writing. we could go on oprah and do the tour together. or instead of backyard diners , you could find quilt shops off the beaten path and advertise for them as you discover their fabric treasures.

Dawn said...

Love your American thighs while posing in your bathroom...too, too funny!

And love the idea of the sandwich board reading --> will work for fabric. You know, that just might work.

Red Geranium Cottage said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! OMG you just may win the prize with that one. Deb aka Cucaroo had a funny one but you may have beat her. That was priceless!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

Wheels for christina said...

Love your posts!! You go girl!!

deb said...

ILOVE your before picture, you are even braver than me!!!!
I have always loved your blog, so glad you are in the challenge!!!

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